Muffins and Justin Bieber
by ByThEwAy0.0
Summary: "WELL. YOU STILL MAKE MY GAYDAR BEEP LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. I swear, girls only like emo, pasty, brooding, arrogant gay jerks. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WORLD?" Naruto's outlook on life.


**Prompt:** Middle of the night thoughts

**Title: **Muffins and Justin Bieber

**Pairing: **Sasusaku, duh. JKJK

**Summary: **"WELL. YOU STILL MAKE MY GAYDAR BEEP LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. I swear, girls only like emo, pasty, brooding, arrogant gay jerks. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WORLD?" Naruto's outlook on life.

**Notes: **I have nothing against gays. It's just fun to toy with Sasuke's sexual orientation. Teehee. _Italics _and "_sexy_" overused. Viewer discretion advised. :D

**Disclaimer: **Can't own Naruto. Ever. Let's just sit in that corner, sulking, like Sasuke.

* * *

"SASUKE-TEME."

"YO."

"EARTH TO SASUCAKES."

He groaned. Why was Naruto so loud in the morning? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE THAT DOBE NEEDED A MUTE BUTTON.

"SAUSAGE-CHAN. HELLO."

Maybe there was such a thing. That movie, _Click_, was it? THE UNIVERSAL REMOTE CONTROL. He would be the _God_. And everyone would praise him because he, single handedly, had succeeded in shutting Naruto Uzumaki up.

"SAUCE. STOP IGNORING ME. NOT COOL."

"_What?_" Came his irritated response.

"OH. YAY! SASUKE-TEME LIVES. BREATHING. TALKING. INSTEAD OF EMO-ING LIKE HE USUALLY DOES—"

"Dobe. Shut up." IT WAS MORNING, DAMNIT.

"—SO ANYWAY. I WAS THINKING ABOUT SPINACH PORRIDGE. IT'S THE NEW RAMEN FLAVOR. DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BUY IT? YOU KNOW, SINCE IT SOUNDS ESPECIALLY DISGUSTING, BUT RAMEN IS NEVER ICKY, AND YOU KNOW I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY TO SPEND SINCE MY EARNINGS EVERY YEAR ARE LIKE A BAJILLION TIMES LESS THAN YOUR EARNINGS A _DAY_ BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING, SASU-CHAN?"

"…_No_."

"BUT I NEED YOUR INSIGHTFUL INSIGHT!"

"…_No._"

"BUT SASUKKKKKEEEEEEEE-KUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" His voice reached a non-attainable pitch for a normal human, stretching every syllable in said man's name.

Sasuke twitched. He continued typing up his essay for Business Economics class, ignoring the blonde.

Naruto slumped in his chair. Poo. Bothering Sasuke was no fun in the morning. He needed coffee. "I'LL GO GET COFFEE." He chirped, bright as the sun.

"Hn." Monosyllabic grunt. Typical.

Oh well. He wasn't getting any other reaction out of the Uchiha at this moment. Naruto sauntered up to the counter and politely—_as politely as a loudmouthed idiot blonde can be_—asked for a latte. Mm. Lattes.

A group of females giggled beside him, he noticed. INTERESTING. Were they noticing his unmistakeable good looks? Man, he was _sexy_. He ran his fingers through his messy spikes, attempting to recreate those _hotsexylicious_ motions of a man deodorant commercial. Naruto grinned; _it was working_!

"Uhm, excuse me, mister?" A gorgeous brunette shyly approached him.

Naruto inwardly pumped his fist. Score! A brunette, too. _Sexy_. "Yes?" He smiled his _sexy_ smile.

"Well, we couldn't help but notice that your _friend—_yes, the super smexy one over there, typing on his laptop—was sitting alone. Could we join?" She sighed dreamily. "He's sooo _sexy_. Can we get his number?"

Naruto gaped. All this time, they were after _Sasuke_? His pride took a heavy blow. "Uhh, he has a girlfriend." Well, he _did_ recall the teme telling him about his super hot girlfriend. What was her name? Sakuro? Sanuka? He shrugged. He was probably inhaling his _preciousprecious_ ramen at that time, forgetting Sasuke was talking.

The group looked disappointed. I mean, the _smexygorgeouslookingtasty_ man was taken. "But she's not here, eh?" The redhead looked sly. "Can we still join you? Who knows, he might fall for one of us and dump her." She winked.

He was about to reject their offer, when the bell jingled, alerting the entrance of another customer.

Heels clacked. Black _Diane Lynn_ pumps with studded jewels lining the sides supported the lean long legs sprouting out of them. Women gawked at the shoes; they were _priceless_. A simple but flattering dark dress fit her curvaceous body, the neckline highlighting her breasts, which weren't A-cup, _thankyouverymuch_. Her petal-colored glossy hair cascaded down her shoulders, and her porcelain skin somehow reinforced how petite she was. She was none other than _the_ _Haruno Sakura_, the model of the _century_.

The coffee shop was silent. Men gazed at her, taking new interest in the newcomer. Naruto stood still, gaping again. Upon realizing an idea, he sped all the way back to Sasuke's table.

"OI SASUKE."

Sasuke didn't look up. "What, dobe?"

"I need you to do me a favor. _Pleasepleaseplease._" He begged.

The dark haired man paused, mulling over the situation. The dobe was _begging_? "Fine. What?"

"This _hot_ girl just walked in. Can you get her number for me? PLEASE?" Naruto pouted, batting his eyelashes.

Sasuke twitched. "Why?"

"BECAUSE. You can get any girl's phone number. I mean, it's UNFAAIRR."

He sighed, scanning the room. "Who?"

Naruto pointed at the elegant woman who had stepped in moments earlier, now ordering her mocha. "Her."

The ebony-haired male froze.

"Sasuke-teme? Yeah, I know, she's hot. Like, _banginghernow_ hot."

He spun around, Sharingan spinning in his eyes. "That's my _girlfriend_."

…

"EH?" The shriek resounded in the small shop.

* * *

After a few beatings, Naruto plopped into the booth, exhausted.

"You didn't have to pummel me, Sasu-chan." He fake-cried.

Sasuke twitched. "Serves you right for ogling my girlfriend."

A melodic laugh floated over from behind the seething male. "Hi, I'm Haruno Sakura. And you are…?"

"Uzumaki Naruto! BELIEVE IT!" He enthusiastically replied.

Her giggle enchanted him once more. "Nice to meet you! I'm sorry about Sasuke-kun here, he's _moody_. Man-struating. It's his time of month, that's all. Man period."

Guffawing, Naruto rolled onto his stomach, avoiding the glare of his best friend. "SHE OWNED YOU, TEME! HAHA!"

"Hn." Sasuke deadpanned.

Sakura pecked the cheek of the brooding Uchiha, and waved to Naruto. "I have to leave, guys! My manager awaits!" She smiled, sashaying out the door.

"Hey teme, I thought you were gay?"

"…_Gay_?"

"Yeah, you know. Asexual, homosexual, craving for a certain male appendage, likes boys—"

"I know what it means." He glared. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, I was in your room once. NO I WAS NOT STALKING. I was just, y'know, _exploring_, out of curiosity. Yeah. I mean I know you said you have a girlfriend and all. But did I believe it? NO. After that fateful day, I didn't believe any of your '_I'm not homo_' crap—" The loud boy rambled.

Sasuke raked a hand through his dark hair. Naruto was _annoying_. Not Sakura-annoying, plain _Naruto_-annoying. "What about it?" He cut in, irritation lacing his words.

"OH YEAH. So, there was a picture frame of a man, with black hair and all, and it was outlined with hearts and smiley faces. Care to explain that?" Naruto looked smug.

He twitched again. Sakura threatened to get her revenge for his ignorance of her for a minute, which resulted in the splattering of hearts all over his photo frames. "Naruto. Sakura did that. It was her revenge." He stated, clearly annoyed.

"Oh. WELL, WHO WAS THE MAN? WAS HE OROCHI-SENSEI FROM HIGHSCHOOL? 'CAUSE I'M SURE HE HAD THE HOTS FOR YOU TOO—"

Sasuke shuddered, remembering the pale long-tongued teacher years ago ("_Sasuke-kunnn~ You know I'll always be here if you ever have those __**manly urges**_"). "No, idiot. That was my _father_."

Naruto stilled. "AND THE BOY IN YOUR WALLET?"

"My _brother_."

"WELL. YOU STILL MAKE MY GAYDAR BEEP LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW. I swear, girls only like emo, pasty, brooding, arrogant gay jerks. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE WORLD?"

He scowled. "And you suppose they'll like idiotic blonde moronheads that don't know the meaning of '_shut up_'?"

Naruto pondered for a moment. "YEAH. EXACTLY. WAIT, HEY! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY BRAIN IS FULL OF INTERESTING INFORMATION. DID YOU KNOW THAT BARBIE'S FULL FIRST NAME IS BARBARA MILLICENT ROBERTS—MMPH!"

…

His eyes widened.

So Sasuke _was_ gay!

…

"WHY'D YOU STUFF A GIGANTIC MUFFIN INTO MY MOUTH, TEME? EW. ONLY GAYS EAT MUFFINS. SERIOUSLY. FOR REAL."

Sasuke sighed, aggravated.

"AND I BET YOUR FAVORITE COLOR IS PURPLE. AND YOU LISTEN TO JUSTIN BIEBER. OMIGOSH, MY BEST FRIEND'S GAY! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I SUPPORT YOU 100% BUDDY!" Naruto grinned cheekily.

"Dude. _Sakura?_"

"Oh yeah. OH NO! SHE'S DATING A GAY! SHE'LL GET HER HEART BROKEN! SAKURA! SAAKURAA!"

* * *

I have absolutely no idea where this came from. Hope you enjoyed it? xD

SasukexSakura but mostly Naruto and Sasuke BROMANCE. Jkjk friendship. :)


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